Stoopid werewolf movies
The fake werewolf cliche is that they can be killed by silver bullets. The real cliche is the 90% of werewolf movies where at some point a character says "Silver bullets?!? What do you think this is...Hollywood?"
In the last year or so, I think I've seen just about 90% of werewolf movies that Hollywood has made, and for your entertainment, here are my quick thoughts:
American Werewolf in London
Now a classic. See! A man tormented after a vicious attack in England's moors! See! A man come to grips with the beast within him! There's a bad moon on the rise...
American Werewolf in Paris
I think this was the sequel, can't remember much about it, but they made a daring choice in using the oft-neglected Paris location of the Eiffel Tower as a set piece.
Cursed/aka Wes Craven's: Cursed/aka Wes Craven actually stopped making movies 15 years ago
It's funny how the kid starts inexplicably eating raw meat, and how the bully comes out to him after he calls him gay. It's not too funny how this movie was made despite being steamrolled by several writers.
Ginger Snaps
The hot one got hotter but the ugly one stayed true to herself. An interesting take on the genre and great analogy between puberty and werewolfishness.
Ginger Snaps 2
But they had to make a sequel. And they had to keep the ugly one instead of the hot one. Not much going on here, especially compared to the cleverness of the first one. Although the group button-thumbing session hallucination, the murse who trades drugs for bj's, and the creepy little girl who burns mommies almost makes up for it.
Ginger Snaps 3
What to do when you run out of ideas? If you're Kevin Smith, make an overblown action movie dealing with Catholic Theology starring Chris Rock and Silent Bob. If your Ginger Snaps, do Last of the Mohicans meets werewolves. The hot one is back, back to the future that is! And by future, I mean past. Best part: the dinner scene after the girls first arrive to the fort, where the preacher says grace and basically says in old-timey language "keep it in your pants, guys" during the prayer. And the nude scene.
Mexican Werewolf in Texas
My thoughts on this were addressed in a previous post.
Monster Squad
"I guess they can only be killed by silver bullets!"
Open Country
I couldn't tell if the acting was bad, or it was just hard to understand the thick Scottish accents. I also thought the preacher was one of the Kids in the Hall. Not particularly bad, though as usual, if you don't have the budget, don't spend so much time showing the monster.
Skinwalkers
Sort of interesting idea, and monsters by Stan Winston. A movie always gets points with me when it involves an action sequence that has Granny and an entire town whip out guns and start blasting away. Plus, it starred Sarah Carter:
But it lost steam consistently throughout and ended up another set piece in an abandoned werehouse. I mean, warehouse. Basically Underworld during the day.
Underworld
Confusing as hell, dark, but Kate Beckinsale.
Underworld: Evolution
More confusing than the first, but shots of Kate Beckinsale's groin.
Van Helsing
I forget which one this was and keep confusing it with League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Still to see:
Howling
Howling II
Howling III
Howling IV
Howling V
Howling VI
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah
Wolf
The Notebook
Therewolf: The Unbitenining
In the last year or so, I think I've seen just about 90% of werewolf movies that Hollywood has made, and for your entertainment, here are my quick thoughts:
American Werewolf in London
Now a classic. See! A man tormented after a vicious attack in England's moors! See! A man come to grips with the beast within him! There's a bad moon on the rise...
American Werewolf in Paris
I think this was the sequel, can't remember much about it, but they made a daring choice in using the oft-neglected Paris location of the Eiffel Tower as a set piece.
Cursed/aka Wes Craven's: Cursed/aka Wes Craven actually stopped making movies 15 years ago
It's funny how the kid starts inexplicably eating raw meat, and how the bully comes out to him after he calls him gay. It's not too funny how this movie was made despite being steamrolled by several writers.
Ginger Snaps
The hot one got hotter but the ugly one stayed true to herself. An interesting take on the genre and great analogy between puberty and werewolfishness.
Ginger Snaps 2
But they had to make a sequel. And they had to keep the ugly one instead of the hot one. Not much going on here, especially compared to the cleverness of the first one. Although the group button-thumbing session hallucination, the murse who trades drugs for bj's, and the creepy little girl who burns mommies almost makes up for it.
Ginger Snaps 3
What to do when you run out of ideas? If you're Kevin Smith, make an overblown action movie dealing with Catholic Theology starring Chris Rock and Silent Bob. If your Ginger Snaps, do Last of the Mohicans meets werewolves. The hot one is back, back to the future that is! And by future, I mean past. Best part: the dinner scene after the girls first arrive to the fort, where the preacher says grace and basically says in old-timey language "keep it in your pants, guys" during the prayer. And the nude scene.
Mexican Werewolf in Texas
My thoughts on this were addressed in a previous post.
Monster Squad
"I guess they can only be killed by silver bullets!"
Open Country
I couldn't tell if the acting was bad, or it was just hard to understand the thick Scottish accents. I also thought the preacher was one of the Kids in the Hall. Not particularly bad, though as usual, if you don't have the budget, don't spend so much time showing the monster.
Skinwalkers
Sort of interesting idea, and monsters by Stan Winston. A movie always gets points with me when it involves an action sequence that has Granny and an entire town whip out guns and start blasting away. Plus, it starred Sarah Carter:
But it lost steam consistently throughout and ended up another set piece in an abandoned werehouse. I mean, warehouse. Basically Underworld during the day.
Underworld
Confusing as hell, dark, but Kate Beckinsale.
Underworld: Evolution
More confusing than the first, but shots of Kate Beckinsale's groin.
Van Helsing
I forget which one this was and keep confusing it with League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Still to see:
Howling
Howling II
Howling III
Howling IV
Howling V
Howling VI
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah
Wolf
The Notebook
Therewolf: The Unbitenining
posted by Terry Hart at 12:19 AM
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